Breaking #Brexit News! Parliament Votes to Do Something!

People were cheering in the streets today when, after weeks upon weeks of interminable deadlock broken only by recycled arguments over exactly the same issue, parliament voted to do something with regard to Brexit! The something was agreed by all factions in the debate and received an overwhelming cross party consensus!

It fell to Prime Minister Theresa May, wearing a smile as wide as the English Channel just at the point where it is widest, to deliver the good news in the House of Commons.

"Parliament will act now," she declared, "to deliver this vital something for everyone: it will be good for business, good for jobs, good for families and good for future prosperity. It will be good for an economy that is strong and stable.

"By the way Brexit means Brexit". She managed to hurriedly get in before she sat down. But by then everyone on both sides of the House were standing and hollering and waving bits of paper in approval. Then they checked with each other whether they were actually meant to be waving bits of paper in approval since it was so long since they'd actually approved of anything they'd forgotten what it is they were supposed to do.

Oh well done Theresa!

It then fell to opposition leader Jeremy Corbyn to endorse the something proposed by Theresa May, which he happily did. "This something that Parliament has approved today, will be for the many," intoned Corbyn dramatically, "and yet at the same time it will also be for the few! It will be for everyone! How about that!"

This caused more rapturous applause, more waving of bits of paper on both sides of the House, and Chuka Umunna cried like a girl he was so happy.

Amidst the frivolity Speaker of the House John Bercow could be heard yelling "Order! Order!"
And then he could be heard yelling "Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps please!"
He was standing by the bar you see.

Smashing Job Jeremy!

Perhaps the most poignant moment of the day was when arch Brexiteer  Jacob Rees-Mogg could be seen sharing a tender hug with hardcore Remainer Anna Soubry.

That was up until he tried to sneakily cop a feel and was rewarded with a punch in the whatsits for his troubles. But for a moment there, there was real love. And that should be our takeaway from the incident I believe.

Tomorrow, parliament will reconvene in order to decide what the something they have agreed to do actually is. At which point everything will probably turn to shit. Again.

But, ya know, for now, how about we just enjoy the moment, eh?

For once.

How about we do that?!

FFS.