Monday 5 March 2007

A Weird Dream From A Very Long Time Ago

Basically, it involved me going back to college. Once I got there I befriended a girl with a freakish, elephant-like face. She was a bit shy and never left her room (owing to the fact she had a freakish, elephant-like face), but I got to know her and promised I would help where I could. The weirdest thing (visually) about this girl was the miniature being that lived on the surface of this girl’s face. When you looked at her, you would at first assume the being (which was cone shaped) was just another mutation on her misshapen features. Then it began to move around and you would realise it was actually a little cone-shaped being that actually lived on her face.

Now, this girl was in love with Johnny, a second year student who had been left with a hideously disfigured face after a road accident he’d had. This lad was pretty hard to find apparently (probably also a bit shy, being as how he was hideously disfigured), and I resolved to play cupid for this tragic pair.

In my dream, the girl had asked me to run an errand for her that involved three things: buy her some ladies deodorant, buy her some batteries for her personal stereo, and deliver a note in which she declared her undying love to Johnny.

I had a pint at the student bar, went to a couple of lectures (the subjects seemed so much more interesting in this additional dream year), then I went to the student shop to get the girl’s stuff. As I did these things I thought about Johnny, and how he was before that car crash had left him hideously disfigured.

I got her the batteries okay, but I got men’s deodorant instead of women’s (when I realised my mistake the queue at the counter suddenly doubled and I quite literally couldn’t be bothered to wait). I wondered round the college aimlessly for a while, looking for Johnny (without making any real effort) and then returned to the girl’s room.

The girl was, understandably, not too happy with me. I hadn’t found Johnny ("I’m sure he’ll turn up" I reassured her in a casual tone, as I tried to ignore the antics of the tiny cone shaped being as it capered across her elephantine face), and I hadn’t got her the correct deodorant ("Hey, I’ll swap it. Sometime."). I had however, managed to get her batteries, an achievement I was keen to play up ("one out of three’s better than nothing!".

The girl was not impressed. "Jeremy, you know I can’t go out, owing to the fact that I have a freakish, elephant face. If you’re going to be my friend you could at least do it properly", she scolded me. As I shrugged my shoulders and thought of excuses I was suddenly aware of a swelling that was hampering my talking and breathing. "Have you got anything to drink?" I squeaked as the problem quickly got worse. The girl departed, grumbling to her fridge to get a drink, and I reached up to my face to try and feel what the problem might be. I was shocked when the roof of my mouth came away in my hand!

When the girl returned she found me in an indignant mood. "You’re not the only one with problems you know", I scolded her in return, "I mean, look – the roof of my mouth’s just fallen out!"
"Oh, I’m sorry about that", said the girl, who found that whole thing quite surprising.