All was green and silver as the mists of dawn lay upon the young planet; soaking the unspoilt, preternatural forests with its cleansing dew. All was silence. For now the vast woods that covered the Earth were almost the only life forms that occupied the landmasses of that world - a world separated from our own by a gulf of time that stretches beyond the reach of imagination. No birdsong greeted the rising of the sun; no predator growled; no herbivore lowed; and aside from the odd, very brief buzzing sound that could only have been caught by the most alert, the serenity of the forests was complete.
But a profound change was at hand.
It came from the shore of a mist shrouded lake, where two silver bodied, scaly, aquatic animals were even now dragging themselves forward into an environment that was hitherto entirely alien to them. As they pulled themselves forward into an increasingly landlocked world to which their frames looked so ill suited, they gasped quietly, their mouths and the slits on the side of their bodies opening and closing with a frantic cadence, until one of them sagged with exhaustion.
"It's no good Dave," gasped the creature, sinking to the ground as it spoke, "I'm on my last fins. Go on without me... I'll just slow you down..."
"No, no Fred, I'm not leaving you behind," replied the other animal in an anxious but determined tone. "You can do it," Dave gasped with as much encouragement as he could muster, "Baby steps mate, baby steps."
But Fred sank to the floor and listed to the side, his inhalations growing more shallow. "Can't... breathe... "
"Fred!" called out Dave in alarm as he laboured to drag his body towards his suffering friend, his silver mass moving awkwardly over the moss and soil that comprised the floor of the viridescent woodland.
"I'm going to the big ocean in the sky..." groaned Fred, "they say it's got plankton as big as trilobites there...". Fred's voice was fading as his eyes glazed over.
"Fred!" said Dave, who finally reached his stricken comrade and began nudging Fred's scales with his marine snout, "you've got to adapt mate! You've got to evolve!"
There was no response. "Fred!" Pleaded Dave. Again nothing. But Dave was still not ready to give up.
"Fred!" he called out. "Don't surrender now! Play the game of life! This is the moment of our true testing! The future is now! So evolve! Evolve! Breathe with me!"
The was a moment's silence. Fate hung in the balance. Dave, who was himself getting used to the rarefied atmosphere of this mist filled tree lined terrestrial wonderland, held his newly adapted breath.
A minute passed.
Dave battled against despair. He was weak. He was tired. He was lost in an alien world. And soon, it seemed, he would be completely -
Fred gasped and came to life like an automaton that had just been plugged into the power.
"Fred! You did it! You evolved!" declared an ecstatic Dave.
Perhaps it was a trick of the misty light that hung over that prehistoric woodland, but it almost it seemed as if Fred's eyes were widened in amazement as he felt his gills begin to convert the new air that slipped through his bloodstream. At the same time he felt his stabilizing fins gain strength as they planted themselves more solidly in the soil of Terra Firma. "I wouldn't have credited it Dave," he mused in wonder, "but I did adapt."
"You did," agreed Dave, who felt the irresistible urge to make a speech to mark this fateful moment. "We have crossed the rubicon Fred," proclaimed the no longer strictly aquatic animal to his fellow mutated comrade, "and we have engendered a new phase in existence for life on this blue/green orb. New lands await our progeny, and who knows, maybe one day our descendants will even take to the skies. And it all started right here; right now; with us at the vanguard of natural selection. Truly, I feel the hand of history upon what may someday become my shoulder."
Fred turned himself in Dave's direction, an impressed look almost alighting itself on his expressionless features. "Cor," he intoned, "you aren't half clever Dave. I don't understand half of what you say I've got to admit, but I know it must be very wise. A fish among fish, that's what I call you."
"Hmmm", Dave responded, deep in thought. He looked up at the trees that rose up from the miasma that surrounded him and his friend that morning; these trees that reached their boughs towards the deep blue infinity above. He had caught glimpses of this sky from beneath the ocean's surface, but now he saw the full extent of its majesty, and he realised how much more there was of this Universe to explore. And he realised at that moment that however far he travelled, he would only ever be at the beginning. "You know, I don't feel like a fish any more," he decided, "I feel like we've blurred the boundaries between species ya know. I don't even know what you might call us now. I feel, I don't know... ambiguous..."
"Ambiguous;" Fred repeated admiringly, "a new breed: on land or in water. Amazing."
"Ha! Or something that sounds like that," agreed Dave. "You know," he continued, encouraged by Fred's appreciation, "it would be great if we had some kind of implement or colourful sign that we could plant, to let all the creatures know that we were here first, and that this land was ours, claimed for the Coelacanth Nation!"
"Aye!" Fred exclaimed, "The Coelacanth Nation!"
"The Coelacanth Nation!" they exclaimed together.
"You see at this point it would be good to have some kind of, I don't know, implements that we could clash together, to seal the deal," speculated Dave enthusiastically. "Some kind of vessel that holds food maybe..."
But this was a step too far for Fred. "Alright Dave, you're sounding a bit weird now," he complained.
"Yeah, alright, sorry about that," conceded Dave.
"There's a thin line between genius and madness, that's what they say," Fred pontificated.
The intrepid pair pressed on with their adventure.
***
Across the clearing, two beetles watched the activities of the Coelacanths. They were both large by the standards of their species, and both sported a smooth, round body with a hard, orange and black shining carapace that housed a pair of insect wings. "Well," said one of them in a disgruntled tone, as its antenna probed the air before it, "this is a how do you do indeed, eh Dave?"
"Indeed Fred," agreed Dave. "What on Earth do you think those things are?"
"Dunno," replied Fred, "but they certainly look a bit fishy."
"Do they?" asked Dave ruefully, "I can hardly think of anything I'm so hungry. Do reckon we could eat them?"
"Weell", sniffed Fred, "possibly. But I don't think they'd like it. And they're a lot bigger than we are."
"Typical," Dave said mournfully, his antenna drooping in submission, "no food and now we're getting invaded by sea monsters! Save me from these interesting times! Where will it end, eh Fred? When will it end?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe things won't be so bad..." said Fred wistfully. With that he turned away from his fellow beetle and stared into the distance. "Because I have had a dream!" he declared.
"Here we go," moaned Dave.
Fred was unabashed by his friend's cynicism. "Yes I had a dream!" he said again. "I dreamed of creatures: huge creatures, as big as the tallest trees!
"And such wondrous defecations did they produce!" Fred declaimed. "Brown fragrant mountains speckled the great plains of Earth! And did we eat the waste! And did we lay our eggs in the waste! And did we rear our young with the waste! And did we build our homes from the waste! All these things we did and more! Man, it was the shit!"
"You've been eating those weird berries again haven't you?" said Dave sharply.
"I found a big bush full of them," said Fred, in a self-satisfied tone.
"Lead the way then."
"Right you are."
And so it was that while Dave and Fred moved forward into a brave new phase of existence, pushing forward the boundaries of evolution, Fred and Dave were going to get stoned.
