Exert From the Dream Diary - Part 2

I dreamed I was watching a movie where this guy is fighting some kind of battle in an alternative universe.  You could tell it was another universe by the way the movie was shot in a kind of sepia colour.  Anyway, I believe I enjoyed it, and it had lots of car chases, which is always good.

I was at my parents' house and I stood up and looked out through the front window at the estate where I grew up.

I saw a nuclear explosion.

"Look Vanessa," I said to my little sister, pointing at the nuclear explosion, "it's a nuclear explosion!"

As I spoke the top of the mushroom cloud detached itself from the nuclear explosion and came crashing down into the road outside my parent's house.  It looked like a bunch of giant mushrooms tied together with mud.  "Oh dear," I thought, "radioactive waste.  I'd better tell somebody".

I made my way through to my parents' kitchen where my mother was pottering about.  "Mom", I began to say, "Mom..."  I gave up and headed upstairs towards my bedroom.  On the landing I could see my father pottering about.

Radioactive waste was tearing holes in the roof of the house now, though I seemed to be more worried about that fact that the roof would now leak water when it rained than the fact that the holes were caused by radioactive waste.

But my friends were on their way to pick me up as we were going for a night out, so I walked into my room and opened my wardrobe to pick out an outfit.  I picked this very strange gold, yellow and red silk tunic with a zig zag button fastening pattern, and as I put on the tunic I felt very confident that I would look very smooth in my outfit.

I walked downstairs, looked in the mirror and recoiled in horror, as I realised the tunic did in fact make me look like Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon.

I stomped back upstairs to find there was some guy sitting cross legged in my room.  He was burning joss sticks and rolling a joint, and I appreciated the fact that the burning incense warmed the room and compensated for the holes in the roof that had been torn open by the radioactive waste.

"Look at this outfit," I said to him in a dismayed tone, "it's not me at all!"

The guy looked me up and down and agreed.  "Someone's taken you for a right mug, pal!" he said in a heavy welsh accent.

Exerts From My Dream Diary

Dream 1
I was on my way to the football match. I was on a minibus, which was taking the strangest and most random route to the game.  We raced down cobbled streets, through buildings and down river banks.  Eventually we reached the stadium of Aston Villa FC and I disembarked.  Aston Villa’s stadium, Villa Park, looked nothing like I remembered, but I did not feel any concern.  I made my way to my seat.

It was difficult to concentrate on the football match, for more than one reason.  For a start there seemed to be many attractive ladies at the match.  For another reason, there were two guys sitting next to me who were having a loud conversation.  One of them had blond hair and seemed very angry, and he ranted and shouted a lot.  His colleague had black hair, was very cool and detached and had a European accent (could’t quite place the country).

Although the blonde haired guy seemed very angry about something, he appreciated the more laid back view of his friend.  At one point he asked his friend, “do you believe in God?”
“Hmm… Interesting…” said the dark haired guy.

I was quite annoyed by their conversation.  Deep meaning philosophical conversations aren’t meant to be had at the football, I thought, they are meant to be had at the pub.  I got up and left.

The journey home from the match was even more random than the journey to the game, and the minibus was speeding through a small picturesque village.  I could feel the fear of the driver, who was terrified that the bus would crash into a wall.  But suddenly we burst onto a river bank, and the driver lost control, and we tumbled into the dark, cold water.

I recovered and swam away from the bus, now being pursued by a herd of swimming cows.  Fortunately for me, the river was contained within high walls, like a reservoir, and I was able to hang on to a vine that grew from one of those walls as the herd of cows swam past.

I watched one of the cows, a brown cow with a big fat cow body, climb over the wall.  As it did so, we regarded each other solemnly.


Dream 2
There was a town in Alaska where all they did was have sex.  They had sex as often and with as many people as possible.  There was even a totem pole standing at the boundary of the town, featuring scenes that were a bit like the Karma Sutra, including scenes of mass orgies.  One of the girls who lived in the town had picked up a boyfriend, but he had no idea about her lifestyle.  A guy is making a documentary about this situation and is driving out to meet the boyfriend to break the bad news to him. 

“How could he not know about the way his girlfriend lives?” says the documentary maker, “There’s even a totem pole outside the town with all of those depictions!”

When the boyfriend hears the news he is very upset, as you would expect.  The rest of the documentary follows him around as he attempts to cope with the way things are.  The documentary maker grows more sympathetic towards him as time goes by.

At one point, in his frustration, the boyfriend grabs a microphone and sings a song.  Here are the words:

F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f***ck,
F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f**ck fuggidy f***ck…